It's Just A Regular Show
by Sirkles
Summary: It's just a Regular Show. What can I say? Okay, so Mordecai and Rigby get teleported away to save their world. They have to fight an army. They meet… Mordecai and Rigby? Interest piqued? Good. So why not take a look? As long as they're going on wacky adventure's, fighting tentacled monsters, it's sure to be regular for them.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue:

_- A New Beginning -_

A grey sky. A grey expanse of pebbles. The two joined each other in a straight line, where the horizon began.

The sky was the kind of grey that looked like a storm was brewing, but blew cool, dry winds that buffeted the hair and smelt like the absence of everything.

The pebbles were of the smooth sort. Rounded and honed by eons of being washed over and caressed by the salty sea.

Together, they were a world of grey, the wispy air a lighter shade than the rocky ground. The sound of pebbles crunching underfoot resonated where there were no people to hear it. And breaking the harmony between the two grey worlds, landed a foot. A striped foot.

A birds foot.

It stood upon the pebbles and a sigh of melancholy was lost in the winds. Winds that sounded like sighs themselves. A moment passed. Then the striped foot turned, and headed off, the sounds of pebbles crunching underneath fading away, seemingly into the end of the horizon.

* * *

Chapter One:

"KENNEDY!"

"WHAT!?"

"GET DOWN HERE!"

"WHY?!"

"WE'RE GOING TO GO TO THE PARK!"

"BUT WE JUST HAD NEW YEAR'S LUNCH AT THE PARK LAST NIGHT! AND NEW YEAR'S EVE DINNER THE DAY BEFORE!"

"DOES IT MATTER?!"

Mordecai stood at the base of some stairs, yelling at his daughter. The stairs came from a house, handsomely owned by Mordecai himself. Himself, and his family.

"LISTEN TO YOUR DAD, KIDS!"

Mordecai turned his head to see Margaret appear next to him, fiddling with her earring. "EVERYONE'S GOING TO BE THERE! KYLIE, COOPER, WE EVEN INVITED SHANNON! JUST COME DOWN HERE!"

"WHAT KIND OF _"COME"_ DO YOU MEAN?!"

"DON'T START MAKING INNUENDOS AT ME!"

"WHAT'S AN INNUENDO?!"

"YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW YET, JAMES!"

"OH." was James' reply. "KENNEDY, WHAT'S AN INNUENDO?!"

"GUYS! DON'T MAKE ME COUNT TO THREE!"

"AAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!" came a harmonious duo of frustration from Mordecai's children. "AT LEAST LET ME FINISH THIS TEXT TO ETHAN!"

"NO! THROW SOME CLOTHES ON, AND GET DOWN HERE!"

The house was once again filled with the angry screams of kids. Stomping was heard above Mordecai and Margaret's heads, and the scraping of clothes hangers on bars and slamming of doors followed soon after. A grumpy purple teen bluejay marched down the stairs, her knees perpendicular with her waist with every step. Stopping in front of Mordecai, she "hmphed" and crossed her arms, turning her head to the side, chin up.

"Turn." instructed Mordecai. Kennedy spun around quickly.

"Slower." Mordecai added, with a darker edge. The younger bird found her father's eyes, and proceeded to try and blind them by glaring at them. She spun again, exhaustingly slow. Mordecai looked her up and down - squinting at her make-up, looking inside pockets - and generally scrutinised every nook and cranny. He started from the top, from the way her hair was presented (in the ever always double fins - styled like Margaret's) to her black Skullcandy T-Shirt, short frayed-denim skirt and black streaked-with-pink shoes. He tugged at the seemingly too small jacket that she wore, and finalised the quality of the clothes with a nod.

"Acceptable," he folded his arms. "Hmm-Hmm." Kennedy shrugged, then pushed her way through her parents to exit the house.

"Hold on, where's James?" Margaret questioned her daughter. Kennedy simply lifted her shoulders again and continued walking her way to the front door.

"I'm coming!" A red blur appeared, prancing down the stairs two at a time. "Here I am!"

"What are you_ wearing?_"

"What do you mean, dad? You told me to throw some clothes on."

"I didn't mean it _literally_!" Mordecai picked a yellow sock off his sons hair (shaped liked Mordecai's hair). "Somehow, you've got your pants inside-out, _AND_ back-to-front! I can't even tell if your legs are in the same pant-leg or in your shirt sleeves!"

"Daaaaaadddd, you're overreacting. Look, I'll just get rid of all these clothes, and we can walk out naked together." James began to pull one of his many shirts off his arm. Mordecai sighed and helped his son take off his clothes. Once James was fully nude, Mordecai grabbed the first shirt he could and jammed it on James' head.

"Now get in the car. And tell your older sister to get in the car as well." Mordecai pointed to the red station wagon parked in the driveway. Margaret chuckled as she saw her son walk out pouting. She turned to her husband.

"You know, you could learn something from them."

"What?" Mordecai furrowed his brow.

"Clothes." she giggled, then she patted and pecked Mordecai's cheek. She followed her children out the door. Mordecai stared at his wife and smiled. He walked out, grabbing the keys that were in the bowl that was on the table that seemed to always be placed in the hallway right in front of the front door.

Margaret shut the door to front seat in the car. She angled the rearview mirror so she could see her children sitting in the back seat.

"You know how much the park means to your father."

"That doesn't mean that he can bring us there all the time. It's annoying."

"It's his home away from home, Kennedy. He practically lived ther-"

"It's annoying." she finalised with a dark note. There was a brief silence where everyone in the car watched Mordecai through the windows. He pulled open the driver's seat door and climbed in, turning the keys. Backing out of the driveway, he turned out onto the road and proceeded to try some small talk with his family.

"So I'm guessing something's wrong? The usual noisy stuff that gives mom a headache isn't happening."

"Uhhh…" James tried. "Hey Kennedy… You haven't told me what an innuendo is yet."

This immediately transformed the car into an enclosed area of pure sound.

"An innuendo is-"

"NO! Don't tell your brother that!"

"C'mon! Pleeeaaaaassseee!?"

"NO! Just stay quiet! I need to drive!"

"IT BASICALLY MEANS A-"

"QUIET QUIET QUIET!"

"I WANNA KNOW!"

"LOOK OUT!" Margaret pointed at the road, and Mordecai tugged a hard left, both hands white-knuckling the steering wheel.

"WHHOOOOAAAAAHHHHH!" the entire family screamed at once. The car swerved impressively, doing a donut before slamming side-first into a lamp post. The lamp buckled and bent over - nearly crushing the car - but thankfully it held.

"Is everyone okay?" Mordecai wheezed. He heard groaning and moaning from the back seat, but the cracked rear-view mirror confirmed the lives of his children. He thanked the stars that he was only doing a few miles an hour when he crashed, but the repair bills were going to be catastrophic for the poor car. "Great. Everyone out." He unbuckled his seat belt and tried the handle to the door, but the thing proved stubborn and stuck. He kicked it once, twice, and on the third kick, the door gave way. Dragging himself out of the car, he tried standing up and found that all limbs were in almost perfect condition, apart from some minor grazes.

"Dad? DAD!"

"Kennedy?!" Mordecai looked into the rear seat window where James was. "Hold on! I'm coming!" He brought his fist up to the glass and repeatedly punched it. His fist came through the window, and his fingers found the handle to the door. Wrenching the door out, he found James rubbing his head. Mordecai grabbed James, and pulled him out after unbuckling the seat-belt.

"Can you stand?" James nodded slowly, and Mordecai helped him walk to a tree. James sat down, leaning his back against the rough bark and Mordecai rushed to save his daughter.

"Dad! DAD! DADADADADAD!"

"Okay, okay, calm down what's going on?"

"I can't- My belt's- HELP! My belt! It isn't coming out!"

"Don't worry. The car isn't on fire or anything, so I wan't you to stay cool." Mordecai bent down on his knees and took a deep breath. "Okay, so I'm going to pull you out through the top of the belt. Good?"

"Ye-yeah… OK, OK, I got this…" Kennedy began hyperventilating.

"Hey, hey. Deep breaths. In. Out." Mordecai placed his hands under Kennedy's arms and started pulling her slowly. "In. Out." Kennedy immediately started to breathe slower. Her breaths were slowly starting to get back to normal, aside from the occasional hiccup. "There. See? All out." Kennedy was lying on the back seat and she picked herself up. She lifted herself out of the seat, but her eye caught something.

"Dad…"

"What now?"

"The car really _is_ on fire." she lifted a quivering finger. Mordecai's head snapped around.

"What!? Margaret!" and with that, Mordecai rushed around to the aid of his wife. Unluckily, the lamppost hit Margaret's door, driving her unconscious and rendering her trapped in her seat. Mordecai tried to see through the window, but try as he might, the door remained shut. Probably because a big metal lamp-post was in the way. Suddenly remembering, he went around to the driver's seat and tried unbuckling her seat belt, but the buckle proved to have the same problem as Kennedy's as it decided to jam. Going with his second tactic, he put his hands around Margaret's waist, and pulled her. Smoke began to pour in and rise to the ceiling of the vehicle, driving Mordecai to persevere and speed up. However, in his haste the seat belt wrapped around Margaret's ankles.

"NO!" he yelled, and pulled even harder. Popping out like a cork, his wife tumbled out of the car and on top of him. Getting up, he carried Margaret bridal style over to his kids by the tree.

"Oh geez…" Mordecai sighed. He looked over at his kids. He set Margaret down in front of his kids and kneeled down, reaching for his phone.

"Is she…?"

"No. She's fine. I hope. I'm calling an ambulance."

"What did we crash into?"

"I've no idea. It was sorta like it was floating, and blue and portal like. Do you think it's aliens? Like that movie? Skyline?"

"Quiet James… What the **_HELL_** is that?!" Mordecai and James followed Kennedy's eyes which seemed to be glued to something behind them. It was as James described it, blue, glowing and hovering. The ground shook, and slowly, the wind began to pick up. Tree's began to lean toward the blue portal.

"It's sucking us in! Dad! It's sucking us in!"

"I know James! Grab something!" James jumped and reached for a branch while Kennedy ran around to the back of the tree. Mordecai picked Margaret up in a piggyback and ran to the shelter of his car. Things were slowly being pulled in. Garbage cans, scooters, litter, debris from the car accident. James began to feel the effect of the portal. His feet were now pointing straight at the portal, and Kennedy was holding on for dear life, screaming her head off.

"Hey dad! This is sorta like the first time you worked at the park, with the black hole that wanted to eat your chair!"

"How the heck can you be thinking about that right now?!" Kennedy queried.

"Just hold on!" Then the tree was uprooted. It started with a cracking, the pavement gaining web-like patterns as the tree brought it's roots up with it.

"DAAAADDD!" The tree began to slowly lose grip of the earth, roots snapping and bark groaning. And the tree flew up into the portal, disappearing into oblivion.

"DAAAAAAADDDD!"

"KIDS! NOOOO!" Mordecai screamed himself hoarse, under the flaming wreckage of the car. He held on, ducking under the car. He waited and hoped the inevitable just wouldn't come. The car began to scrape across the asphalt, sparks flying from where metal met road. A dumpster flew from behind and knocked the car into the portal. Mordecai grabbed onto the lamp post just in time. Margaret flew from his grasp, but he reached out blindly and found her hand with his.

"Noo…" Margaret's fingers were slipping from his. "Please. Please hold on." Above the rushing wind and swirling leaves, he say Margaret beginning to stir. And she slipped out, out into the blue unknown. He watched as she fell into the portal, and everything slowed down. Then he felt the tears that wet his face. They came pouring down flowing like a steady stream towards the vacuum.

He stared and stared.

He closed his eyes.

He looked at his arms, straight above his head keeping him parallel to the ground. He looked at his hands, gripping the metal pole with everything he got. He gulped. Then he let his fingers unravel from his hold, and - almost too slowly for him - he fell sideways into the pulsating circle. His fingers reaching out, his feet reached the surface first. Then he was waist deep in. Then he felt the cold feeling of the portal obscuring his face. The last thing he saw was his hand, reaching out. His fingers vanished from the air.

And the portal vanished itself. Leaving no trace but the destruction it had created.


	2. Chapter 2: Rigby

"Rigby?" Eileen sighed.

"Rigby?" she asked again. She was getting tired of this charade. Straightening her dress, she walked down the stairs in her home and cupped her hands to her mouth.

"RIGBY!" she yelled, her voice cracking towards the end of the name. Her throat wasn't used to taming the childish coon. She cleared her throat.

"Rigby!" she repeated, finally finding him hiding on the couch, game controller in hand.

"NYAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

From her viewpoint behind the couch, Eileen could see his nose appear, peeking up above the couch's back. No doubt completing Rigby's infamous 'shark face'. "Whadya waaaaaaannnnttt?" Rigby whined over the various jumping and hitting noises coming from the TV in front of him.

"You told me to warn you when it was time to leave for lunch. Now stop playing that digging game and get changed. C'mon, it's gonna be a park thing." Eileen turned to leave. "I'm going to get Felix and Rydel ready."

"Ugggggghhh..." Rigby moaned. He exclaimed in outrage once he saw his Dig Champ land on a snail. Throwing his hands down in defeat, he looked to his right where his daughter sat, the player two controller in her hand. "Hey, Em?"

"What?" Emily replied nonchalantly, whilst at the same time ferociously attacking the poor "A" button.

"Couldya pause the game for a second?"

"Fine." she said and jammed her finger on "Pause". She tossed her controller to the side and began to dig into her pocket, before pulling out her phone. "739,122 points. What about you?"

Rigby glanced at his score in the corner of the TV screen. It flashed a single digit. A three.

"Uhh... 3... Hundred thousand bajillion." he shrugged. He was glad that his daughter was looking at her phone.

"Cool. I'm gunna say that you got a 'three'." she muttered, her fingers making the keys on her phone tick.

"Whattaya mean? Whattaya doin'?"

"In a chat room with Thorn, Lily and Candy."

"Oh." Rigby stood and took a long look at his tomboy daughter. The boyish hairdo, a lack of any feminine colours, frayed jeans of manliness and a hoodie over a t-shirt. He wouldn't be surprised if she didn't wear a bra.

"Guys!" Eileen yelled. "Don't keep everyone there waiting!"

"ALRIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTT! But it's okay to keep Muscle Man waiting..." Rigby muttered the last part.

"Wait?! Muscle Man's going to be there?!" Emily questioned, overhearing.

"Yeah, it's a park thing." Rigby answered. "Benson, Mordecai, Fives, all the dudes'll be there."

"NO! Nonononononononooo... Will Chasin be there?!" Panic began to spread across Emily's face.

"Muscle Man's kid? I guess."

"AAAARRRGGGHHHH!" Emily gave her attention to her phone and her fingers began to blur as she tapped the buttons on the phone.

"Uh-"

"Texting Candy to see if she'll be there." Emily answered with frustration.

"Well can you tell her to tell Mordecai we're coming?" Rigby asked.

"Sure." Emily turned and started muttering what she was typing. "Tell... Your... Dad... That... My... Dad's… Coming… In a… Few… Years." She finalized the text with her thumb on 'send'. "Done." Emily said, looking up at her father. Rigby rolled his eyes.

"Let's go! I've got the little ones!" Rigby and Emily heard from Eileen. Then the house rumbled. Enough to make everyone stumble with plaster falling from the ceiling.

"MOOOOMMM! What did you do?!" Emily questioned, her body still and unmoving with the exception of her eyes. She let her eyes flicker left in right, phone in hand. Rigby unknowingly put himself in a crouch position.

"Eileen?" Rigby watched as his wife found her way to him, two almost identical month-old children in her arms. "Okay, tell me if we should be under tables."

"That didn't feel like an earthquake! It felt more like an aftershock of one, but there hasn't been any disturbances, or- or-"

"So we _shouldn't_ be under tables, Eileen?" Rigby began to take small steps to the table he and Emily were using for video gaming earlier.

"It should be oka-" Another rumble rocked the house.

"-No, we should probably be under the tables just in case." Eileen said with the utmost sincerity. There was a mad rush as Rigby and Eileen quickly tried stuffing their daughter under the table first. Eileen handed Emily the burdensome kids in her arms, and then followed before Rigby squashed himself in. Emily grabbed her father's stray tail poking out from under the safety of the table. Felix and Rydel slowly began to make whimpering sounds.

"Oh, it's okay, it's okay!" Eileen soothed, fingers tracing the brown hair of the twins. Felix began to move his hands, exploring the limited amount of space under the table. It invaded Emily's personal face space. Rigby held his hands still while Eileen tried straightening out Rydel's sunflower-coloured dress. Rydel didn't like what was happening. She was stuck under a table with a bunch of people, in a dress she didn't like and she was hungry. She bunched up her face.

"WAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Oh nuts!" Emily groaned. "Could something please shut her up?!" The house rocked once more and Rydel's cries died down a tad bit. Rigby turned his head to try and get a peek of what was happening outside through the window. What he saw made him blink.

"Eileen? D'you think we could be in a storm?"

"No. I trust the weatherman completely. It's still cold of course, but there was nothing about blizzards or storms. Why?" Eileen answered. Rigby pointed out the window. Everyone's eyes followed the direction Rigby was pointing at. The branches on the trees were swaying dangerously, the wooden limbs reaching out and straining. Then all of the branches suddenly began to bend and point upwards. There seemed to be a moment of stillness as all of the trees mimicked each other, not swaying, just stationary with their arms up in the air. Then a terrible cracking sound was heard, and a tree was plucked from the ground like a vegetable. It flew upwards with such astonishing speed that it made everyone bang their heads on the bottom of the table.

Everyone screamed at once.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

A loud sucking sound suddenly mixed it's noise with the cacophony of the debris breaking away from the earth. The house began to shake with even more vigour, groaning and creaking as the intense force began to wrench the building out of the ground. Pipes could be heard breaking and releasing water and sewage below the home. More trees flew out of the ground. In the house, everyone felt the unmistakable judder of the house finally breaking free of its bonds to the earth. The house flew upwards with the speed of a tractor. However, some large cables still tethered the house to the ground. With three of the four sides of the house free of any bonds, the house slowly began to tilt. The table and everyone underneath it began to slowly slide with the incline of the house, along with a majority of the furniture in the room. Rigby scrambled out from the shelter of the wooden four-legged structure, and held out his hand to his family. He pulled everyone out, and got himself on all fours, dashing to the window before the floor became to steep to tread.

"RIGBY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Eileen screamed.

"I GOTTA SEE WHAT'S GOING ON!" Rigby swore. He reached the transparent pane and pulled it open. He gripped the window ledge with both hands and pulled himself up to see the ground outside. He watched in absolute horror as his car flew up, spinning and twisting. He followed its trajectory and looked up into the sky. A blue, pulsating portal was floating above his house, big enough to swallow his home whole.

"It's just like my first time at the park." He smiled. Then his situation made him realize that he'd been neglecting his family. He turned his head right at the moment his family screamed. The couch was sliding towards them, picking up speed as the incline of the house reached forty-five degrees. Eileen and Emily had one of the kids in their hands. Both of them jumping out of the way, the destructive piece of leather and wood came crashing on top of the table, and the combination of table and sofa came crashing down on the TV.

"COME ON!" Rigby exclaimed, "I WAS GONNA BEAT MY HIGH SCORE!"

"YOU HAD THREE FRIGGIN' POINTS!" Emily pointed out, picking Felix up from the ground, then herself.

"STOP TAAAAALLLLKING!"

The house was reaching a tipping point; Rigby was beginning to lose his grip of the linoleum floor. "QUICK! EVERYONE, HOLD ON TO SOMETHING!" Rigby yelled, gripping on to the window ledge as his feet began to become level with the floor. He watched as Emily ran towards him and grabbed on to the curtain next to the window, one hand holding the material with the other around Rydel. Eileen was making her way up the side of the wall, finding a handhold when she reached a doorway with Felix. The house was almost perpendicular with the ground. Everyone's feet were seemingly floating off the ground, as they began to dangle from their positions. Rigby looked down and saw the other side of the room, filled with the destroyed furniture. The sofa looked okay, however. Then the whole house jerked, the cables pulled taut and the house was saved from its doom. For now. Another jerk. A snapping sound. Rigby looked down at the cables keeping his house from going who-knows-where. Half of them were flopping towards the ground, having snapped. Sparks flew from the rubber-wrapped metal wires, and the rest of the cables were popping out of their sockets one by one, each followed by a jerk or judder. Cable by cable, Rigby watched in horror as all of the wires popped out until four remained. He looked back at his family. They were all holding on for their lives. He turned back out again to see the wires, straining.

And they snapped.

The result was a terrifying moment where everyone lost their grip from the force of the broken wires snapping. Everyone fell the twelve or so feet to the opposite wall. More screaming commenced.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" This time the scream sounded a bit more hoarse. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" They all fell. Right on the couch.

"Oof!" Rigby oofed. He patted himself down with his eyes closed. Opening them, he realised that no limbs were broken or lost. More importantly, his family was doing fine as well. There was a brief pause before: "Well. That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." His family looked at him. "Right?"

The whole house flew upwards into the portal, picking up speed as it went along. The garage attached to the house entered first, followed by the main body of the building. Then it disappeared from view. The portal evaporated, with all the speed of the snail. From a hole big enough to engulf a home, it shrank to the size of a car, then a bed, then a pillow, a baseball, and finally it was the size of a coin. But by then, it had already blended in with the innocent blue of the sky.

Moments later, the portal reappeared and opened up once more. It spat out the house and it fell back in place, upside down. The portal vanished as quickly as it came and in the house and all around it, there was destruction and broken furniture. With one important factor missing. The house was absolutely devoid of life.

Leaving an innocent little boy who saw the whole scene, looking at the destroyed building with amazement. He dropped his ice cream.


	3. Chapter 3: Helena

Chapter Three:

"Order up!"

A blue jay walked out of some double doors and expertly balanced a tray on fingertips, a tray with the mouth-watering scent of a Meat Lovers

Pizza. The blue jay deftly weaved a path through the throng of customers and sets the tray on the designated table.

"Thank you, miss." the customer said to the waitress. The customer looked up from his newspaper and smiled his thanks, before taking a slice of the heavenly Italian dish. The waitress smiled back before heading off back behind the counter. She turned, resting her back and elbows on the edge of the counter and sighed, looking at the red walls of the Pizza Parlour she worked in.

"Hey! Kelly!" Kelly looked at her brother peeking through the double doors of the kitchen.

"Hey, Mordo. Wazzup?" Kelly waved from her position. Mordecai peeked into the hidden interior of the kitchen behind the doors.

"Uhh..." Mordecai hesitated. "There's a bit of a mess here, so a bit of help would be nice?" Mordecai said, with a hint of embarrassment.

"Why don't you get Deryck to do it? I mean, his job _is_ to be the garbage boy."

"Your garbage boyfriend." Mordecai retorted. "Plus, I think he caused the mess." Kelly sighed.

"Fine. I'm coming." Kelly walked over to the double doors and pushed them open, only to see an enourmous pile of flour on the floor, that apparently had some bird feet and a beak poking out from underneath it. It took Kelly a while to realise that under the pile lay her unconscious boyfriend.

"OH MY GOD! DERYCK!" Kelly froze for a moment before shoving her hands into the pile to frantically dig out her boyfriend. "JEEZUS! WHAT HAPPENED?!" Kelly asked Mordecai.

"Well, I told Deryck to get me some flour in the top cupboard, then I heard something crash. I think he pulled down the whole shelf by accident."

"Did you did anything to help him?! Did you do CPR on him?!"

"Ugh, no. He's a dude. Why would I do that?" Mordecai said, a look of mild disgust on his face.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING?!"

Kelly's hands began to windmill around in an attempt to surface her boyfriend faster. Then a flash of red. Kelly glimpsed the colour and reached her hand in, gripping the red feathers of her lover. She pulled him out, grunting with effort and exertion and when the upper half of Deryck's body was free from the pressing weight of the flour, Kelly knelt down and put her hands on Deryck's chest.

"What should I do?! What?! Should I-?" Kelly stammered to no one in particular.

"Do CPR. That's what you recommended to me." Mordecai added helpfully.

"Yeah! Yeah." Kelly leaned down, before saying to her brother: "Wait. How do you do this?"

"I think you're supposed to kiss him and breathe into his mouth." Mordecai raised his eyebrows, furrowing his brow. "It's pretty gross, actually. Kinda why I didn't wanna do it."

"Got it." And with that, Kelly lowered her lips down to her boyfriends', pinching his nose shut, closing the gap with every nearing inch. Kelly could feel Deryck's moist, shallow breaths escaping through his lips and warming her face. But just before she could lock lips with Deryck:

"RAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!"

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

Kelly screamed, recoiling from the rising figure of her flour-dusted boyfriend. She fell flat on her bottom and stared at the moving pile of flour before shuffling backwards to the sanctuary that was behind her brothers legs. She clung on to them, still screaming.

"RRAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahaha!" Deryck laughed, wiping tears from his eyes in his sitting position underneath the pile of flour.

"Ahahaahahahahaaaheeeee, ahoohoo, haaaa..." Deryck's laughter began to slow down, and when the giggles stopped he leaned back on his hands and stared at Kelly, smiling.

"What'd ya think, Helena?" Kelly stared at Deryck, shock still lingering on her face. Colour began to flood into her cheeks.

"Don't. You. Dare. Call me by my first name."

Deryck's smile immediately turned into one of fear. Kelly glared at Deryck and his eyes widened. It was then that they were aware of an excess of wheezing. They both looked up at Mordecai, who was laughing and crying and having an all-out fit of laughter. Mordecai raised his fist and struggled to get words out in his current state.

"Du-" Mordecai choked on some spit that went down the wrong way. He spent a few seconds hacking and coughing before returning up for air and more laughter.

"Dude! You, did, hehe, gr-great! It wa-hus, like, ahah! Raagh, 'n' th-Ennnn... Haahh..." Mordecai inhaled. "Fist bump, dude. Brofist." Mordecai said, recovering. Deryck stared at Mordecai before grinning and raising his fist to punch Mordecai's.

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" the two of them rang out. Kelly reminded them of her existence.

"Okay, what the heck just happened?" Kelly asked. Mordecai stared at her before answering with some humility.

"Ah. Yeah, that was sort of a prank."

"WHAT?!" Kelly gritted her teeth. "WHAT?! OKAY, SO I GET THAT YOU'RE MY BROTHER, BUT DERYCK?! YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND. BOYFRIENDS DON'T PISS THEIR GIRLFRIENDS OFF!"

Deryck shrugged. "I'm loosening up in here. I'm adapting to your place. Can't blame me for when I had an abusive foster dad. Plus, your brother can be pretty persuasive."

Kelly glared at her brother.

"Yeah, so I can be pretty persuasive. What'd ya expect from the king of speeches?" Mordecai gave Kelly a look. "And can you get off my leg? Leggo." Mordecai shook his right leg and Kelly released her limpet-like grip, just to stand with some colour in her cheeks, but dignity in her posture.

"O-okay. Well... I'm not cleaning that up." Kelly waved her hand. Deryck peeked at Mordecai before raising his hand.

"Not It!"

"Wai- Wha? Not- C'mon! Not fair!" Mordecai slouched, groaning. Deryck fist pumped and Kelly laughed, enjoying the scene.

"I gotta go back to serving the customers. You kids can handle yourselves, right?"

"Yeah."

"Sure." the two males agreed. Kelly nodded and headed to the double doors. She reached out with her hand, but the door swung open before she touched the handle. Fear gripped her as she was met with another blue jay.

"Oh, hey Uncle Clay." she said, attempting to block his view of the messy scene behind her.

"Kelly," the old blue jay rasped. He bobbed his head up and down in acknowledgement before pointing over his shoulder. "Shouldn't you be waiting on the tables?"

"I was just getting back to that."

"So what were you doing inside here?"

"Um..." Kelly looked over her shoulder. "Mordecai." she grinned sheepishly. Clay looked over her shoulder into the interior of the kitchen.

"...And what of Mordecai?"

"Just... Stuff. He wanted... Stuff. F-for the pizzas!" Kelly stammered.

"Then why did he call you? Everything he needs is already inside there. Plus, Deryck can help."

"I- Umm..." Kelly paused and puffed out her cheeks, blowing air through her lips. She looked around, trying to avoid eye contact while at the same time trying to think of a lie. She turned back to her uncle.

"Y'know you're a terrible fibber, right?"

Kelly shrugged to her uncle's comment.

"Righto, then. Step aside, missy. Step away." Clay firmly moved his niece to his right and stepped into the kitchen.

"AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Clay clawed at his face when he saw the mountain of flour taking up half of the space in his kitchen. He looked wild-eyed at the two guilt-ridden birds scooping the flour into trash bags.

"WHAT IS GOIN' ON?!" Clay roared, which incidentally sent quite a bit of flour going everywhere. Mordecai rubbed the back of his neck. There was a moment's hesitation.

"Uh… A prank?"

Clay sagged dramatically.

"BUT THAT FLOUR WAS MEANT TO LAST THE WHOLE _WEEK!_" Clay whined, his voice pitching and breaking. "GOD! IT'S ALL RUINED!"

Mordecai looked at Deryck, who returned the look. Another pause held the air, until suggestions came raining upon it.

"We could reuse the top part… I guess." Deryck pointed.

"Just make some pizza. The germs'll just die in the oven."

"We could put it in some soap. Wait, you use milk to make dough, right?"

"Nah, nuke it. Doesn't that kill everything?"

"No. The Hulk survived."

Clay and Kelly watched the two birds ricochet solutions from each other towards Clay. Clay slapped his forehead and dragged his palm down the front of his face.

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! IT'S MY RESTAURANT, AND I'LL DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH IT!" Clay raised his hands. He sighed. "Right, so try to salvage the good stuff from the top, just like what Deryck said. I'm gonna check with Margaret, see how much moolah we lost in your little stunt." He pushed the double doors open and he walked out, doors swinging behind him. The sound of feet climbing up stairs could be heard.

"Speaking of Margaret, when are you going to marry her?" Kelly asked, angling her comment at Mordecai, eyebrows raised. Deryck piped up.

"Yeah. You guys get the master bedroom upstairs in the condo; you peck each other every time you see each other, Margaret agreed to come all this way to Florida from Twin Pines, you clearly love each other, and-" Deryck gestured to himself and Kelly. "- Unlike us, you guys _are _of legal marrying age."

Mordecai sighed. He put his hand to his forehead and let it drag down, pulling the skin along with it.

"Look. I told you already, this sort of thing takes a lot of time. There's a lot to think about." Mordecai lectured while picking up flour and putting in some other bags for reuse. "There's the devotion of being tied to the same person all your life, being financially stable, _kids_," He paused and looked at his sister and her boyfriend. "And I already have enough trouble taking care of you guys. I mean, look at this mess."

"Yeah, but it was your idea to do this whole prank."

"Right. So I need to grow up as well."

"It was a pretty lame prank."

"Pfft. Says you, dweeb."

"Buddy, I'd watch what you say to my girlfriend." Deryck squinted at Mordecai and hunched his shoulders, like he was squaring off for a scuffle.

"She's my sister. I can call her anything I want." Mordecai stood up from picking up flour.

"No you can't." Deryck cricked his neck. "You wanna go?"

"Alright, back off you two. As much as I appreciate your offer to be my knight in shining armour," Kelly put her hands on Deryck's shoulders. "I want to be able to buy things with our money. Not waste it on fixing the things you guys break while fighting."

Deryck relaxed from his stance and looked at his girlfriend. He rolled his eyes.

"Fine." He muttered. Kelly giggled.

"C'mere, you." She laughed then leaned in, planting a kiss on Deryck's lips. Deryck let out a smile before returning the kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist while Kelly's hands reached out behind his neck.

"Ugh, dudes. Keep it PG, will ya? You're only sixteen."

Kelly looked at Mordecai out of the corner of her eye, a bewildered expression on her face. She slowly pulled back from Deryck's lips – which consequently kept following her lips for a few moments before stopping – and crossed her arms.

"At least we don't kiss like Muscleman and Starla."

Mordecai suddenly gagged and bent over, hands on knees trying to breathe through the repetitive vomiting sounds. Kelly raised an eyebrow.

"Yeeeaaaaaahhh… I think I'm gonna get back to the tables." She turned and gave Deryck a quick peck before telling him to watch Mordecai: "-And make sure he doesn't kill himself suffocating. Oh, and can you pick up the flour? You _are_ the garbage boy."

Deryck shrugged and walked to Mordecai, slapping his back and helping him up. Kelly took one last glance before her, and pushed her through the doors to serve the customers.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Jus- Just let me- ACHKHUH!" Mordecai brought a hand up to his mouth. He coughed a couple more times before breathing heavily again.

"C'mon tough guy. Let's pick up this flour." Deryck grabbed Mordecai under the arms and hauled him up into a standing position before he grabbed a garbage bag and shoved it into Mordecai's hands. Deryck walked to the pile to begin tidying up, and Mordecai reclined on a wall, before following Deryck's example.

* * *

"How are they?" Clay asked, after coming down the stairs. Kelly looked up from her resting position on the counter.

"Fine. They're just cleaning up right now. How's Margaret and the "moolah"?"

"Well, Margaret's been a help doing all the bills, but she might be getting a bit irritated being cooped up all day in the condo." Clay made a relieved face. "But thankfully, she said that if Mordecai and Deryck do a good job with recovering the flour, the most we'd lose is probably a few cents."

"Dude, c'mon. It's just flour. You're overreacting."

"Remember this. Every penny counts."

"I dunno if that's a real saying or if you just made that up on the spot, but either way, I still find sayings overly cheesy in a way." Kelly saw a customer beckon to her, then make a gesture like he was writing on his hand. She took it that he wanted the check.

"It's _flour_, Kelly! Without flour we'd be making tomato sauce with chunks of meat in them! That's called Bologna!"

"Yeah, whatever." Kelly walked off after tearing a receipt from the cash register. Clay watched her for a while, before his thoughts were interrupted by Margaret coming down the stairs.

"Hey, Clay." She said, notebook and pencil in hand.

"Margaret. Finished with those pesky bills?"

Margaret sighed and plopped herself down next to him on a seat. She rubbed her temples with her fingertips.

"Yes. Finally. It wasn't made any easier with that flour - whatEVER - thingumabob."

Clay nodded his sympathy.

"I need to stretch my legs." Margaret said, raising her arms and making a "hnnggrk" sound. "-And my back."

"Well, I hope you don''t mind being a waiter for a while." Clay produced another notebook for her. "Don't want Mordecai to be making "electricity bill" pizza," he said, explaining his reason for the second notebook.

"Sure. I'll finally be able to walk somewhere besides the bathroom." Margaret stood up – with some effort - after another stretch, then proceeded to do what she used to do in the Coffee Shop.

* * *

Deryck and Mordecai had just finished salvaging the last of the lost flour. The task sped up as soon as Deryck found a pizza toppings scoop, and shoveled the flour like he was digging up a frustrating weed that just couldn't be pulled out. Mordecai left a moment ago to find a Hoover, leaving Deryck with a broom and dustpan to clean up as much as he can. Deryck heard some doors close and assumed that Mordecai had returned form his hunt for the vacuum cleaner. A grunt was all the acknowledgement Deryck gave. With his eyes on his work, Deryck could see in his peripheral vision Mordecai plugging in the Hoover to a wall socket, before watching as the flour on the floor began to move in a synchronised pattern, like they were being sucked up.

"Dude, turn off the vacuum." Deryck muttered, still sweeping. "I'm not done yet."

He received no reply.

"Dude, turn the stupid thing off. You can start over ther-" Deryck looked up at Mordecai. He realized that he couldn't hear anything loud or noisy. Mordecai hadn't even turned the stupid machine on. Instead, Deryck let his gaze linger on Mordecai's face, a face of absolute surprise that was looking at something behind him. Deryck turned. What he saw was something that could be good or bad. The flour was moving in a steady stream towards the window, then rising up off the ground, flowing in a stream before leaving through the open miniscule gap in the window. Deryck dropped everything in his hands and walked over towards the widow, pulling it open even more. He leaned out and looked around, trying to find where the flour was heading off to. He kept his eyes on the stream of powdered wheat, as it rose into the sky. Up and up it went until Deryck couldn't see the wispy powder. All that he could see was a giant blue portal eating away at everything around him.


	4. Chapter 4: School

Chapter Four:

Sara pushed at a lawnmower. She sighed. She wiped her brow. She stopped pushing. She turned to her right.

"Rigby!"

The infamous raccoon looked at Sara over the top of his shades.

"What?!" The irritation in his voice audible.

"Get your lazy ass off that pool chair and help me here!" Sara jabbed her finger at the ground. Rigby raised an eyebrow and lowered his sunglasses. He eyed the barely-mowed lawn before him.

"No way. Nuh-uh." he reclined back into his seat. "You owe me, girl. You don't argue with your superiors. You don't argue with your elders."

"You're four years older than me! I'm nineteen! There's practically no difference!"

"Dude, big difference. Are you really this annoying in your world?"

"Are you really this lazy?! Can you not be annoying?! Can you not be so flip-floppity?!"

Rigby became silent.

"Finally! You've shut up! Now can you help me with the lawn?!"

Rigby remained silent. Sara stood, waiting for a response. When she realised she wasn't going to get an answer, the nineteen year old female racoon screamed in rage. Her fit sent fists and feet flying everywhere, knocking down the nearby mower, which sputtered and wheezed before burping out a small pile of cut grass on the ground.

"Oh great! Now I have a stupid pile of green barf to clean up! Thanks a lot _Rigby!_"

Rigby continued to ignore Sara. He watched as she picked up a trash bag half full of leaves she raked up earlier and shoved handfuls of grass into the bag. Then Rigby sat up. He took off his sunglasses. He looked at Sara, who had inexplicably gained a blue hue, almost like an aura. Inching his view around her, he eyed the toppled mower and saw a blue glowing portal grow from the blades of the mower. Sucking in and shredding everything around it.

* * *

_Twin Pines Middle School Cafeteria:_

_Ten Years Ago,_

"Are you still eyeing that girl _Margaret_?"

"Yeah."

"C'mon dude! It ain't gonna happen! Tell yourself that! It. Ain't. Gonna. _Haaaaaaaaappeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnn_. _Itain'tgonnahappen! Itain'tgon_-"

Mordecai's fist flew at Rigby's face.

"Shut up, man! I've got a chance! We're still in middle school. I have my whole life ahead of me! One day, I'm gonna take her somewhere awesome and romantic, and we'll have our first kiss, and we'll have kids, and stuff, and houses, and diaper changes, and kiddy strollers, and..."

Mordecai stopped. He blanked out for a moment and held his head.

"Kids. Names. What do I name my kids?! Noah? Mason? Brianna? Maddie?"

"You're overthinking things, dude. The most you'll probably ever do is get a lucky kiss from her inside a car. Then it turns out you forgot to pack a mint."

Mordecai rolled his eyes. He picked up the sandwich he was in the middle of consuming and turned to Rigby. Rigby looked back at him.

"You forgot your lunch money again, didn't you?"

Rigby nodded sheepishly. He eyed the other triangle of Mordecai's sandwich. He looked back at Mordecai. He made a move for it, reaching with his fingers while maintaining eye contact with Mordecai. Mordecai slapped Rigby's hand away.

"I'm not giving you anything. Your lunch money, your lunch."

"But the stuff here _suuuuuucccccckkkkksssss_."

"Your problem. Just pack your own lunch or something, I don't care."

Rigby leapt up and began ferociously clawing at Mordecai's lunch, to which Mordecai responded with a raised arm, blocking Rigby's chance of getting any morsel of sustenance.

"Dude! Cut it out! Quit it! Ow!"

"NO! NO! I WANT IT! I WANT IT, WANT IT, _WANT IT!_"

Mordecai shoved Rigby back onto his seat forcefully and kept him at bay by using one hand to push his head down and the other hand to snarf down his sandwich. Rigby eventually gave up and flopped his head in defeat, before going completely limp and sliding down his seat and under the table.

"Arrrrgggghhhh... But I'm so _huuuunnnngggrrrrryyyyyyyy_." Rigby moaned from under the table. "Listen!" All of a sudden a huge rumble was heard from under the table.

"Dude, you're just pumping air into your stomach. If you wanna hear loud, here's "loud"."

Mordecai leaned back on his chair and proceeded to do an interesting ritual of sucking in air through his mouth and rocking back and forth in his chair.

_**RRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLEEE!**_

"Ha! Beat that, dude! What you got?! OOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" Mordecai raised his hand above his head.

"_You _used the air-pump whatever technique! Which means I get to use it as well! How about _that?_" Rigby's muffled voice challenged from under the table.

"Yeah, whatever. Just hurry up, bell gonna ring in a few minutes." Mordecai replied, tearing off the plastic sheet on his chocolate pudding. He scooped up a helping with a disposable spoon and twisted to peer under the table.

"Ha! Well! I'm gonna use the air thing, and there's nothing you can do to stop me! Plus, I'm gonna use _HAMBONING_! In yo' face! Air thing and hamboning equals PURE AWESOME FRICKEN' AWESOME AW YEAH AWESOMENESS STU-"

"Kwitcher trash talkin' and get to it. Looks pretty gross under there." Mordecai turned his head around, eyes scanning the stained underside of the table. He shoved a spoonful of pudding into his mouth before returning his gaze to Rigby. "I'm pretty sure that you're sitting in a puddle of milk and orange juice with Coco Pops sprinkled all over your ass and gum in your hair. I think that's at least twenty health code violations broken just by sitting under there."

Rigby suddenly adopted a cross-legged, cross-armed position with quite a cross look on his face.

"You ruined my zonage. I have to get in the zone again. I hate you. You suck, man. You suck horse testi-" Rigby was interrupted by Mordecai, while a nearby horse by the name of Mac looked up from the hoagie he was eating.

"Now you're just being mean. Get up and get going." Mordecai sat back up into his seat, leaving the disgusting realm under the lunch table. Rigby audibly sighed and began his interesting performance of strange belly-dances and belly-drumming, before tensing up to release his pent-up belly gurgles.

_**RRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBLLLLLEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEE!**_

_**CRACK!**_

There was a momentary silence in the cafeteria. A wave of uncertainty emanated from the epicenter that was Rigby, as people wondered what the frightening crack was.

"Dude, are you okay?" Mordecai asked at last. "Did you break a bone or something? Your clavicle?" Another brief silence before a reply.

"No, man, nothing's wrong. I'm just as freaked out as you guys. I thought I broke something as well," Rigby pulled himself up from under the table. He looked at Mordecai with wild eyes. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"

"I DUNNO, MAN! STOP SHOUTING AT ME!"

"WHY SHOULD I STOP SHOUTING?! THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH SHOUTING! AND IT GETS THE TRUTH OUT FASTER! SO WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"

"WHY'RE YOU ASKING ME?!"

"BECAUSE!"

"BECAUSE WHY?!"

"BECAUSE BECAUSE!"

"SHUT UP! EVERYBODY'S LOOKING AT US!" Mordecai yelled. He quietened down.

Mordecai and Rigby turned their heads around to see the whole cafeteria looking at them, aside from a sleeping lunch lady. A teacher strode up to them with a steely glint in his eyes and a clenched fist.

"Now what seems to be the problem?" the superior adult queried through the thick lens of his angular glasses. The sleazy slicked back hair on top of the slender man's angular head seemed to flow about, and act like a car with under-steer before heading in the same direction the man was walking and the immaculate attire of the thin teacher was as sharp as his tongue, with his shiny brown brogues blinding the infamous duo.

"N-nothing Mr. B!" Mordecai blurted out, looking Mr. B straight in the eye.

"Well that's all right then." Mr. B replied, slapping a hand on Mordecai's back. The tall man ran a finger under his hooked nose and suddenly made a face. He bent down, and the long, eagle-beak nose jabbed into the top of Rigby's head, nearly taking the poor coon's eye out. "Mr. Salyers, pray tell why you smell like my Aunt's farm barn full of cow manure."

"I was under the table." Rigby pointed. By now the commotion in the cafeteria had reached it's normal frequency of shrieks and screams.

"Aha! A very valid reason. Yes, I once brought up the subject of unhygienic table undersides with the school board. There was this moment a few years back, where a mouse was found deceased, and in it's paws was a half-eaten cockroach, that was no doubt itself feasting on the plentiful scraps of detritus under the table. I vaguely remember that there were screaming girls, laughing boys, exterminators and the school being closed down for a full sweep of the premises in case any vermin still thrived in hidden crannies." Mr. B suddenly diverted his attention to the playground beyond the glass doors of the cafeteria. "Heavens! What's this commotion on the courtyard?! Away!"

Mordecai and Rigby watched Mr. B push open the doors leading to the back of the school and lecture the gang of evildoers on the metal frames of fun.

"That dude makes absolutely no sense. It's like one moment, he's scaring the shit outta me, then the next he's talking about stuff under tables. It's like he's not paying attention to life."

"No kiddin', dude." Mordecai replied to his friend. "Wait- What's he doing?"

Indeed, it seemed that Mr. B was waving his hands frantically - presumably over with his lecture - and screaming at something in the sky. He pointed at the clouds, and a few children aimed their eyes at the seemingly invisible thing Mr. B could see that no one else could, before pointing and then screaming themselves. Then they all shot up into the sky, the playground equipment being wrenched out of the ground with the unbearable sound of twisting and wrenching metal, and trees being uprooted before being torn from their leaves.

Everyone inside the cafeteria screamed simultaneously. Panic ensued as students and teachers alike began to run in circles, zig-zags, jumping on chairs, under chairs, pulling fire-alarm tabs, sprinklers going off, food fights being started, underwear being thrown about, and so forth. Only Mordecai and Rigby remained still. They advanced to the window, and Rigby placed his palms on the cool glass of the window and peered upwards into the sky with Mordecai.

"Cooooolllll…" Rigby muttered, breathing on the glass and fogging it up.

"Dude, not cool! A tornado thingie just ate up Mr. B and a whole bunch of other dudes!" Mordecai replied with a shout. Another crack made Mordecai jump, and he turned around just in time to see a wooden beam break off from the ceiling and crash down onto the table where he was sitting at earlier, smashing the poor piece of furniture clean n two. The result sent waves of shock into the minds of lesser children, making them scramble under chairs and more dirty tables at risk of being smashed. Mordecai nearly laughed at the people thinking they could protect themselves from something that just broke what they were using to defend themselves from the thing that broke their defences. "Hey, I think I just figured out what made the huge crack sound earlier." Mordecai turned back to his friend.

"Yeah, yeah, just look up _there_."

Mordecai looked up to see a gigantic blue glowing portal vacuuming up everything in sight.

"Holy shi-! Dude, You're crazy! That thing's eating up everything! It'll eat us!" Mordecai grabbed Rigby by the shoulders.

"Yes! I know! Isn't it awesome?! We're gonna get eaten by a giant blue portal!" Rigby finished it off with a bout of disturbing laughter, to which Mordecai replied with a gulp.

"Oh man. We're gonna be _so _late for Math."


End file.
